jessicajunction

Imagine you have the touchscreen Nokia N8.

Why do you still have a Nokia?
Because you’re loyal to Nokia. They were your first phone, and all of your 10+ phones in your lifetime have all been Nokia. They’ve never kept you behind with technology (Remember “Hey did you get my mms?” “Oh, I can’t receive mms. I have an iPhone”) You actually like Nokia. You’re proud to be with Nokia. You like to be different. 

So you’re chatting away on your new Nokia N8.

It then goes silent on the other end. “What happened?” You look at your phone, and it says you have put the other person on hold. “How did I manage that?” Youun-hold the call, the person on the other end is still talking as they had no idea they were even on hold. You tell them, “I’m sorry, you’re going to have to repeat all of that, I accidentally put you on hold” and so you continue the chat.

It happens again. Silence. “Oh, maybe I put them on hold again.” You look at your phone. This time it has an imagine of a red cross through your microphone. So you press a few buttons, trying to find which one is the microphone to try to remove that red cross from the screen. Finally you get it. The other end is saying “Are you there, why have you gone quiet?” You apologise again, “Sorry I think I’m pressing the keys with my face,” they ask “What phone are you using?” you protectively respond, “Nokia N8.”

So you continue your conversation. You’re relieved they didn’t start the usual debate of “Why are you still with Nokia?” (because as a Nokia user, you get this all the time. You have to really love Nokia, to stay with Nokia.) You’re talking away, and then you hear a beep beep beep. The kind of beep beep beep you hear when your call has ended. “Surely they didn’t hang up on me? How rude!” So you call them back, wondering why you can’t just have a simple phone conversation, that runs smoothly, with no interruptions. They say “Hey you hung up on me!” That’s it, you’ve lost your patience. You tell them you have to go. You hang up deliberately this time, and then you start blogging.

Oh perhaps a little “i h8 u n8” on twitter will cover it. Maybe that will be your release, and you’ll feel better. No, no it won’t. Been there done that. 

So here I am, blogging.

Dear Nokia,

Surely when creating a touch screen phone, this would be one of the most important things to look at when planning its features. 

Did you do any product testing before releasing the product? Did these people actually use the phone, press it a little against their face as a normal person would? Or was that part just skipped? How have you overlooked this extremely annoying feature? Do your developers use your phones? Why hasn’t this major issue been discovered and fixed yet!

I’m the only person I know that uses the Nokia N8. (Because as I mentioned, you have to really love Nokia, to stay with Nokia. The debates are always arising. You have to be prepared: You have to know your specs, and you have to know the weaknesses of your opponents phone. They could attack at any minute. You have to always be ready to defend the name of Nokia. Owning a Nokia is nothing like just owning a phone.) So I couldn’t tell you whether anyone else is having these issues. But I can’t imagine why they wouldn’t. Surely everyone holds their phone to their face. No I don’t have an unusual shaped head, and no I do not mash the phone against my face.

So for the first time, I am starting to have doubts about your products, Nokia. If such a simple, simple, simple, error is overlooked, then I can’t help but wonder what future products may be like (I know, it’s unbelievable that I could think such a thing.) C’mon, it’s 2011. People have been holding phones against their faces since the beginning of the history of telephones (I even googled it, that was in 1876.) It’s probably the most basic feature of a phone. “Hey five year-old girl, tell me, what do you do with a telephone?” Even she could tell me “You hold it against your face and talk to it.”

For a Smart Phone, this is not smart.

Is this some kind of PR attempt? Get as many people to talk about how annoying this phone is as possible! If every owner of the N8 makes four phone calls a day, three of which cut out, and they complain to two people, over a year we’ll have a lot of people hearing about Nokia!

What if it was a dire emergency? What if I was selected as the “phone a friend option” on Who Wants to be a Millionaire? “So Jessica, the one million dollar question is, “In which year did Alexander Graham Bell invent the telephone?” “Oh my god, I know the answer it’s 187-“beep beep beep. My friend wouldn’t forgive me for that.

Look, I do love you Nokia, I’m just angry at you right now.
I just want to be able to make a call, without hanging up on the person. 

With all that being said, I think your company would really benefit with having me on board,

Please hire me,

Regards,

Jessica.

I h8 u n8.